kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
