five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
