I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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