Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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