i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
