An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
