I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
only if we run a train.
done.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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