I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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