just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
