she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
