So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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