On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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