I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
