dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize