Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
