I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize