dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
