Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
