we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
