I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
