Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
