I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize