I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
