maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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