I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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