all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
This house was built for laser tag.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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