She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
