please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize