Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize