i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
