OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
