after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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