I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
