I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
