we're chasing vodka with high fives
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I want to fling myself into the sun
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
