He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
