Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
