the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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