I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
