but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
