Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
There's always time for handjobs
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
