Ambien. No doubt about it.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
