I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize