Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
