Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
