this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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