i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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