Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
