Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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