when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize