i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
