She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
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