the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
you inspire me to be a worse person
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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