how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
