so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
