I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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