Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
