Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Randomize
