the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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