they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
