We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
