Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
birth control should be required to get into college
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
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