There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
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