Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
