At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
