totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I got inside last night via doggy door
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
