When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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