HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
The feeling are messing with the penis
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
